Dad takes over bedtime. What's the realistic outcome? — Options: Both asleep by 7:32pm, perfectly calm, He falls asleep first, kid is wide awake on his chest, A 30-minute wrestling match disguised as 'winding down', One story turns into a 40-minute improvised epic

The toddler is climbing something clearly too high. The classic dad move? — Options: Immediately scoops them down, Pulls out his phone to film it, Quietly cheers them on, Calmly says 'you'll work it out, mate'

You ask dad to dress the toddler. What comes downstairs? — Options: A weather-appropriate, coordinated outfit, Pyjama bottoms, gumboots, a tutu, no jumper, Whatever was on top of the laundry pile, Yesterday's outfit, slightly more crusty

Toddler asks dad for a snack. His response? — Options: 'Sure mate, what would you like?', 'Did you ask mum?', 'Maybe later' (translation: never), 'Hang on, I'll just finish this one thing...'

Dad takes the toddler to the shops for 'just milk and bread.' He comes home with: — Options: Milk and bread, exactly as asked, Milk, bread, and one small impulse buy, A new toy, an ice cream, milk but no bread, A story, a sticker, and vague memories of a list

Dad's signature meal — the one the toddler will actually, reliably eat? — Options: A thoughtfully balanced bento with three food groups, 'Daddy's special sandwich' (it's just toast), Plain pasta with butter and 'a bit' of cheese, Cereal. For dinner. With a flourish.

The greatest Mother's Day gift dad can possibly give? — Options: A bouquet of flowers, Breakfast in bed (lovingly burnt), Taking the toddler somewhere far away for the entire day, Gifting a solo hotel stay for mum with great food and a spa treatment